jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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