So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she peed on how many people?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
