OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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