dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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