You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
