She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
