I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
