Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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