you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
