glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have aggressive nipples.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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