yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize