I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
