I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
