I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
