I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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