Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
