just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
