she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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