It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
