I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
