I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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