So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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