3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize