You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
