Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
