Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
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