hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
