i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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