Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize