my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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