I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
