my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He kissed a someone with a penis
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
