My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
