I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
