White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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