my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
