Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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