well I can't set my house on fire every night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
