Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
