you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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