So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
