I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
