why didn't you poke me back
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
