Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
