Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
