I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
