is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
