If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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