Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
