Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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