Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize