omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
