Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You made out with two different species that night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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