id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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