This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize