I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He passed out mid-signature
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
