just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
