Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
