i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize