Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
