Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Non-Jews are for practice
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
