Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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