Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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