woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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