If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
