I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
