isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
God I need to hump something, right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
