What did we do last night that was yellow?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
