Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize