Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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