You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
