does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
