Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
