Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
