I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
