I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
