I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
