For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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