I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
