I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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