i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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