oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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