I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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