he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
