If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
