3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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